What it's like breaking up with my co-founder

This is obviously a sensitive title, and I’m sure the rest of this entry will breed some sensitivity. But if you have been reading my entries, you know I’m a fan of transparency and telling it like it is with no fluff. My intention is to just share an experience I have, spare you the details, and give you the meat. The title also sounds open-ended a bit, because, well it is. We are going through a break up as we speak. The transition is yet to be complete but the decision is final.

What a weird place we are in right now.

My co-founder has been a friend of mine since I was 13 and she was 8. I used to babysit her and her baby brothers, was her cheerleading coach for several years, she dated my own baby brother, and we have been close friends for nearly 17 years. What a legacy we have.

A year ago, I started to pursue my wild idea, and I wanted her with me. She jumped on board and we got to work. The beginning was fun and exciting! She moved in with me and my family of 5—as a work-from-home mom, I was so happy to have my friend with me. Back to the days of sleepovers and late nights with my childhood friend.

When you work closely with someone, i.e. founding a company, you get to know all their good and bad and all the mess in between. As we struggled on and off with finding our balance, we always remained good at communicating. This is critical, and it is honestly why we have lasted so long.

The exact reasons as to why she is leaving are quite simple: she needs a paying job and I need a co-founder who is 100% in this with me.

Now that you’re caught up, I’ll tell you what it’s like for me to go through something like this, in hopes to give honesty and insight into what one experience of this all too common process is like.

Sure, it sucks. But it was a necessary move and I keep turning to these words:

“Every time you make the hard, correct decision you become a bit more courageous, and every time you make the easy, wrong decision you become a bit more cowardly. If you are CEO, these choices will lead to a courageous or cowardly company.” - Ben Horowitz, CEO of Opsware

I am counting on Event Hollow being a courageous company. I have always been fearless, but there is weakness when it comes to working with your friends. Fear of hurting their feelings, fear of them hurting your feelings, fear of not being able to let them go when you need to, and the fear of not leaving when you need to. Fear cannot exist in an entrepreneur, even when it comes to her friends.

We made this decision together, so I consider us both brave.

But I can’t express enough how lonely it makes me feel still. The best analogy I can lay out for you is to compare it to being parents. To go from experiencing all the highs of making progress with this baby you created out of nothing with your spouse… watching your baby open their eyes, speak their first word, take their first step. Experiencing that with your husband or wife makes you feel like you are doing something right and gives you the joy of sharing your success with each other. Now if your spouse leaves you, your baby will still survive—and in some cases, thrive even more. But you still miss sharing those happy baby steps with your spouse.

This is just like that.

(Raising my hand).